***DISCLAIMER*** SO HERE'S THE PART OF THE BLOG THAT IS GOING TO GET LONG - AND MAYBE BORING! READ IT IF YOU WANT, BUT I AM SO NOT OFFENDED IF YOU HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO. I DON'T EVEN NEED A RESPONSE OR ANYTHING... THIS WAS JUST SOMETHING I'VE BEEN MEANING TO DO (PUT MY THOUGHTS INTO WORDS) AND YOU GUYS GET THE BRUNT OF IT. SORRY FOR MY RANTINGS, BUT MAYBE IF YOU DID READ IT YOU COULD THINK POSITIVE THOUGHTS FOR ME AND FOR GETTING MY LIFE IN BETTER CONTROL.
My new years resolution is slow in coming this year, but right now it seems to be one that is going to work. I'm thinking it thru and planning carefully. I am ready to live life consciously. It started with Heidi Swapp's (some of you know how I feel about her) mantra "She created a life she loved". I have always liked this thought and have applied it to parts of my life, here and there, in the past, but after a particularly stressful Christmas season, and just realizing that in almost everything I do I am RIGHT on the edge of control and chaos. Spiritually, Physically, Organizationally, Creatively.... I have pretty much done that all my life. In school, I did enough to get by, in my relationships I was just unselfish enough to keep people from hating me (or at least being extremely irritated with me). In my physical self, I've always indulged just enough to keep me sitting on the fence of normal and fat and out of shape. It seems I'm always doing just barely a good enough job, that others (and myself) couldn't criticize me too much - because I'm still in the normal/average range (but barely). (Now, don't get me wrong, I do what is required and do a good job -even over achieve- on a lot of things, but often it isn't the stuff that really makes a difference in my overall life)
I AM TAKING CONTROL!!!
Heidi's mantra has new meaning to me this year. I believe life is like taking a photograph. The subject might be your adorable child, the lighting might be perfect, he/she might be wearing the perfect outfit, he/she might have the perfect expression, but if you don't "create" the photo (getting the right angle, cropping out unwanted or unsightly distractions etc.) Without much thought, the photo just might have gone from extraordinary to average or unsightly. And in the same vein, sometimes the "junk", creeps in, sometimes we just can't avoid it... in those cases, ignore it. Focus instead on the positive (the memory, the child, the lighting). And if worse comes to worse, scrapbook it, and use some embellishments to fix the unsightly parts (I had to throw that in there). NOW I'm not saying ignore problems, or cover them up. But if small problems are going to keep me from being happy with my "photograph", I think it's better to not sweat the small stuff. It's better to have to photo and the memory than nothing at all.
All that being said,
-I am trying to have positive self talk (more than just giving myself motivational speeches). I've made and posted several things around my house to remind me what I'm trying to do ( this is a big part of my failures... I get distracted or forget what I'm really working for)
-I am following Jillian Michaels "Making the Cut" book - a great physical program but also helps fix your inner self too. She has some very empowering quotes and statements.
-I'm on The Biggest Loser diet (I'm amazed at how good it is)- I'm even making my kids follow it - at least for dinner. I was set for a revolt, but have been pleasantly surprised at their cooperation (most days)
-I am also working on "not being a victim" (something I've been accused of in the past)... you know, someone who is poorly done to (as mom's tend to be) I chose this lot in life, I want to be where I am, I really do love it, and I love my family and my life! I'm going to accept it (even the poorly done to part) and do what I need to do, matter of factly and with out self pity AND with a good attitude.
-I have been cleaning, eating right, exercising and studying scriptures each day first thing in the morning, then I have the afternoon to be creative (which I desperately need in my life)- at least that's the theory, the eventual goal. I am MAKING myself do the hard things (stuff I don't particularly want to do, but that will enrich my life) and to just keep on doing them (not running faster than I have strength, just not losing focus and energy) It has taken a lot of work and preparation and gearing up. I just keep telling myself that so many people would love to be where I am (just on the border of chaos and not deeply into it;) AND with just a little (sometimes a lot) of committed effort I could be my best self. Why not do this?
-So, I AM committed to helping my kids eat healthy, so that means I get up at 5:30 (which stinks) to make them healthy lunches and breakfast, make sure their vitamins are out and getting them clean and out the door on time, with a little dose of prayer and scriptures (and in Brady's case, piano practicing)before that happens, AND the kicker, do it with a good attitude, I find it's possible if I set my mind to it and remind myself that I want to do this.
Mom says, "This sounds like TOO much, and that I'm gonna burn out." and, in the past I would have agreed. How can I stick with such a hard, all encompassing change. BUT, for some reason, this time I feel different, I've finally grasped (or learning to grasp) the reality that, if I don't get it together, no one else will do it for me. I am going to make it happen! I HAVE TO CREATE THE LIFE I LOVE AND WANT! And it's really the same concept - just in many areas of my life.
- Brad and I are also reading "First things First" by Stephen Covey. It is slow going, but I have faith it will be worth it.
-As for scrapbooking... this will be part of it too. Of course, as usual, it is taking last priority, right now, but that doesn't mean I "writing it off". I am super excited to get back in my AWESOME room and create my little heart out. Unfortunately the room hasn't recovered since the holidays, but I am committed (and excited about it) to getting it back to a very useful, inspirational and functional room very soon. I just have to keep telling myself that these things take time. I'll get there soon.
My new favorite mantra (different than mission statement) is, "Unless, you puke, faint or die, keep going!!!" Jillian says this on Biggest Loser (which, by the way, is a very motivating show) and she is talking about exercising, but it is working for me in other aspects of my life too. This, combined with my mission statement "Create the life you love" is very powerful for me.
I am tired of being just "good enough". It's time to live life consciously!
So there, I am now off my soap box... if you stuck with me through this thanks:) It just feels good to write it down. I just needed to get it out there.