Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Not always eye to eye, but...

so glad he's in my life...

I've been meaning to post about my cool and very favorite husband Brad for the longest time and just about the time I would be ready to do it I would get annoyed with him, or he would get annoyed with me or he would do something I didn't "approve" of, or I would feel hypocritical posting all the good stuff if I wasn't fully feeling the love. Last night though, I decided that I do feel the love. I am married to the perfect guy! The perfect guy for me!

Now please don't think we fight all the time or that we don't get along - but at a time of year when we get lots of rosy sounding Christmas cards (and we wonder why everyone else is so perfect) I wanted this to be a "real" message about love. I've determined that even in the best of marriages there is always going to be vexation and grief (movie quote alert) but that is when real love is made, right?; It's in the, "I'm not giving up", in the, "I love you anyway", in the "I'm a better person because of you", in the "you aren't perfect and neither am I, but we'll make it work" type of a way. This is where true love is formed, is it not? It's easy to love when you're on the same page, when life is good, when you see eye to eye, when things are going as you would plan. It's harder, however, to love when life throws you curve balls, when someone does things that seem hurtful or hateful, or when day to day living is a huge struggle. It's hard to love when we feel judged or judgmental or simply when the stars are not aligned. But that's when love becomes deep, when love becomes rooted, when you act Christlike even when life and love stinks.

I am very intrigued (although a little annoyed) by Kelly Clarkson's song, "My Life Would Suck Without You" (pardon that awful slang word, it makes my toenails cringe). The song is about 2 people who are quite dysfunctional but can't live without each other. They are a team, they make it work in spite of each other. They might think it would be better with someone else (anyone else) but in reality they belong together.

Here are some of the words:

I know that I've got issues
but you're pretty messed up too
Either way I found out, I'm nothing without you.

Now you might think I'm advocating accepting your problems as unchangeable and too engrained to fix, which I'm not doing at all. I am, in fact, advocating accepting your problems, owning up to them, trying to fix them and then realizing that you and your loved one aren't ever going to be perfect (at least not any time soon), but that you love each other anyway and you need each other if you want to have any lasting joy.

Now you might also think that I am stating that Brad and I are dysfunctional, that I'm currently annoyed with him (or he with me) and that we are permanently and irrevocably flawed. Actually this couldn't be further from the truth. I am so in love with that guy and feel eternally grateful that I have him as mine. Yes, we are both flawed but I am glad we can count on each other to overcome these shortcomings.

Here's some things I love about Brad:

Brad always has our family's best interest at heart
Brad is wise
Brad works hard everyday to provide for our family
Brad is talented
Brad likes to laugh
Brad knows how to feel and recognize and follow the spirit
Brad is good looking
Brad knows how to get things done
Brad is a good friend
Brad is positive
Brad had a clear mind
Brad has vision
Brad has nice hands
Brad has nice eyes
Brad likes to have fun
Brad has great ambition and determination
Brad likes to win
Brad is a great dad
Brad is supportive
Brad teaches me things I wouldn't have learned otherwise
Brad has high expectations
Brad has a good work ethic
Brad has his head screwed on straight
Brad knows how to laugh at himself
Brad has a lot to offer
Brad is a good kisser
Brad is beautiful
Brad knows how to have a good time
Brad is generous
Brad chooses the right
Brad is happy
Brad is funny
Brad knows how to improvise
Brad is committed
Brad is a good example
Brad always gives it his best effort
Brad has a big heart
Brad is a natural
Brad makes my heart go pitter-patter
Brad knows how to improve things
Brad is not picky
Brad is real
Brad knows how to fight for himself and his family and his rights
Brad is responsible
Brad knows how to cut through the crap
Brad loves me
Brad loves the kids
Brad loves the gospel
Brad isn't jaded
Brad is honest
Brad appreciates people how they are
Brad likes nice things
Brad makes my life better

Now see, if I was sending out a Christmas letter I would have just included the bottom half of this post. And you would say one of 3 things, "Ya right!" or "How come she's got it so good?" or "Take off the rose colored glasses, sistah". None of these things would be a correct statement in and of themselves. Yes, we are a bit dysfunctional, yes we have troubles and stress, yes I've got it good but things could be a whole lot better (they could also be a whole lot worse), but I love that guy. Brad is my other half, my matching puzzle piece. When I think of him and our relationship I always think of it as a perfect 10. Thanks Brad, we belong together now, forever united here somehow. You've got a piece of me, and honestly... My life would suck without you. (eeekkk, sorry, there's that word again)


Carolina said...

Stefani dear, Ben and I were talking about being disfunctional and we have come to the conclusion that everyone, I mean everyone is disfunctional in some way or another. That gives some relieve doesn't it!!!

annette said...

I know you really wanted to just post the second half...but you didn't want all of us readers to be jealous, haha. I have to admit, I think everyone else's marriages and lives are perfect. Your honesty and deep thoughts are refreshing. I tend to post only the rose colored and not always the "real" on my blog, because i want to create this beautiful life for my kids to remember...and it is beautiful, and helps me appreciate things more when I write about them. But those posts alone might not be the most helpful for them later. This shows that while you are madly in love, it takes work and that it is oh so worth it! I'm glad you wrote this and especially when you weren't feeling the love at first. Another good lesson for me. And guess what I'm listening to on i-tunes right now..."Two is better than one". It goes perfectly with your post!

annette said...

Okay, finishing my comment now that I've thought about it all night. I love all the movie quotes. And especially your thought that real love is made when you act Christlike even when life and love stink. Really true principle! You do have the perfect guy for you... and visa versa. He is a lucky man to have you too! You are a great couple who likes to have FUN together! And I love the way Brad looks at his family from the stand on Sundays, always trying to hold back the biggest grin. Sometimes he just can't help it. He's gotta smile! You guys are awesome!!!

D-dawg said...

I loved this post- thank you! I read it the other day on my phone and have been meaning to come back and comment. I really needed it that day too. Marriage is hard work and no one is perfect. It's nice to hear the truth and know that we all have to work at it.

Joe and Julie said...

I had to laugh after I read your blog entry. Looks like you built Brad up so much that his head popped. Or was that a typo when you made the comment: "Brad HAD a clear mind" (emphasis mine)

Joe and Julie said...